Proposed OWL 7-9 Add-on Session on Relationships and the Internet

UNIT FIVE: Relationships

A WORD TO THE LEADERS

The benefits of the Internet are many. It’s a great place to hang out--for having fun, for keeping in touch, for information, for education, for hobbies.

Sometimes young people think that because they’re in a physically safe place, the Internet is safe for them, and that the rules of “real life” don’t apply. They can need help taking their morals and values to the Internet. They need help taking their instincts about who is good for them and who isn’t. They need help avoiding and reacting to the dangers so their online experience is safe and enriching.

The list of bad things that happen online is long, as it is in real life. Drug deals are set up in chat rooms. Young people are exposed to inappropriate material which may be sexually degrading, violent or hateful. A young person’s angry and deviant thoughts find an online home that nurtures and escalates them. Predators target youth and set up meetings. Young people are offered money to take off their shirts for a web cam. Would-be predators send *p* to youth to desensitize them to it. Schoolmates, rivals or strangers can bully and intimidate young people on line, seemingly without repercussion. Scammers try to get passwords, credit card numbers, or other information that will allow them to make a purchase at someone else’s expense. They try to entice youth to call a 900 number.

With social networking sites, young people’s private diaries and deepest intimacies are online, along with their pictures and those of their friends. Young people need help realizing that ‘digital is forever’ and available to everyone, including people who do not care who they may harm.

We now know that most young people who are online give out some personal information, and we need to encourage them to be restrictive about that. We know too that there is a connection between a youth’s behavior and his or her chances of becoming a victim. Being rude or nasty online, embarrassing or harassing others, and talking about sex with someone they don’t know are factors that greatly increase their own risk. We have an opportunity to remind youth that how they interact with people can have an impact on how they are treated. We can help them avoid and deal with risk and danger, and use the Internet safely and fully.

SESSION GOALS

• Youth extend their values, morals and behavior to life on the Internet. They recognize the consequences of their online behavior.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

• Youth can articulate ways to keep themselves and their friends safe while they enjoy the many benefits of their online communities.
• Youth can recognize and react appropriately to risky online situations.

SESSION–AT-A-GLANCE

This is a 60 minute session, incorporated as the first hour of a regular OWL class.

• Re-entry
• Question Box
• Online and Real Life Activities
• Be Your Own Detective
• Summary

MATERIALS CHECKLIST

• Easel, pad, paper or note cards, pencils.
• For Online and Real Life Activities, Leader Resource S 1, cut into individual questions.
• For Be Your Own Detective, Leader Resource S 2, copied and cut into individual scenarios.

PREPARATION

• Read this session and decide together how to divide leadership responsibilities.

SESSION PLAN

R&R

1. Reentry

Welcome participants and help them reenter by asking them to share any joys or concerns, or anything happening in their lives that they would like to share

2. Question Box

Answer questions from the Question Box.

3. Online and Real Life Activities

Warm-up Exercise: What’s fun online?

Go around the room and ask people to list all the things they like to do online.

Let each teenager draw an aspect of life and relationships from Leader Resource S 1.

Give these instructions: Compare how you conduct the activity you’ve selected--online vs. in person. Are there different expectations, or a different etiquette? List the pluses and minuses, satisfactions and risks of doing the activity online compared to in real life. (Model reporting on one activity if you like.)

Give teenagers 3 or 4 minutes to work independently and make notes for their presentation. Have them each then report on their topic, noting benefits and risks of online activity.

Make sure these points are made in the course of discussion:

• The Internet offers life-enhancing activity, for communicating, getting information, handling many transactions.
• Take your values with you online. Take your good instincts. Take your integrity. Youth who embarrass or harass others online are much more likely to be targeted as victims. Youth who make nasty comments are more likely to be bullied and exploited. Talking about sex with someone you don’t know is most likely of all behavior to put you in a risky situation.
• Digital is forever. If you, or a friend, posts something about you (pictures or words) online, recognize that teachers, parents, predators, “enemies,” college admissions counselors, future employers, and boyfriends and girlfriends—past and present- may view it.
• People aren’t necessarily who they say they are online.
• Anyone, including thieves and predators, can build an identity online.
• One person may appear in many different identities, gleaning an “appropriate, innocent” bit of information in each persona, putting them together to win your trust.
• As in real life, there is physical danger and there is psychological danger. Some things might not hurt you physically but might make you uncomfortable. Trust your feelings.
• You have a right to be safe and comfortable, as do others. There are ways to protect yourself, and help available if you feel threatened.

Be Your Own Detective

Divide into groups of 3-5. Each group will pick a volunteer to leave the room, while communication to them is created. A leader can leave the room with them, and help them prepare together to interpret the ‘online’ messages they will get when they return. Ask them to discuss what clues they will use to know whether the person communicating with them is young or old, male or female, well motivated or trying to use them. Have them plan what information they will divulge and what they won’t.

The remaining team members will each be given an identity from Leaders Resource S 2. They will be given 5 minutes to plan and write several messages to the person who is outside of the room, consistent with their assigned persona and intention.

The absent teens will return to the classroom, and situate themselves with their back to the others, as if facing a computer screen. Their team members will read aloud the messages and questions that have been prepared for them, allowing the recipient to respond as if in an Instant Message (IM) conversation. At the end of the short “IM” session, let the recipient try to guess the age, gender, and intention of the person who wrote to them. Have them mention any words that built their confidence or set off alarms. Note how well their instincts served them, and whether they gave out information unwisely.

Make sure the following points are made:

• Information that may put you or your friends at risk by making you or them findable by a stranger includes:

name, address, school, teams, jersey #, phone #, hobbies, homeroom, outside lessons, favorite hangouts, pictures, (remember the school year book) information about friends, chat about where and when to meet, what you’re doing this weekend, etc.

• Finding a new friend on the www is risky; the www is much better used for keeping up with friends you have.
• Chatting with an unknown person about personal problems is risky; it makes you vulnerable to exploitation and coercion. Talk with someone you know and trust about personal problems.
• Physically meeting someone you’ve “met” on the Internet is absolutely too risky, even if you take a friend. You may think you’ve been stood up when instead you’ve been watched.
• Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t like to see repeated. Instant Messages can be copied into email, forwarded, posted on blogs, sent to other people.
• Talking about sex online, with someone you don’t know in person, puts you at highest risk for predation.
• Public chat rooms are most dangerous; you don’t know who’s there listening. People who would molest or exploit teenagers go to where teenagers are, where they can stalk their prey undetected—chat rooms.
• If someone asks you to call a 900 telephone number, asks for a credit card number, or asks for your password, they don’t have your interest at heart – those are all common ruses to take money from you.
• If someone tries to turn you against your family, friends, or school, they don’t have your interest at heart.

LEADER RESOURCES

Leader Resource: Session S 1

Online and Real Life Activities

keeping up with old friends

meeting a new friend who shares your interests

expressing yourself, showing your individuality and creativity

trying out different aspects of your personality

flirting

talking about sex with someone you don’t know very well

getting closer to someone you know

sharing deep feelings with another person

sharing photographs of yourself

arranging a “blind date” – planning to meet someone you don’t know

exploring risqué or forbidden topics, pictures or games

buying things, entering contests, participating in surveys

getting out of a personal situation with someone because you’ve begun to feel uncomfortable

recognizing when a friend or acquaintance is good for you and when they aren’t

handling someone who is trying to bully, harass, or coerce you

reacting when someone sticks some *p* under your nose that you didn’t ask for or want

Leader Resource S 2: Be Your Own Detective

Group #1

You are a thirteen or fourteen year old girl or boy (same age and gender as the person who leaves the room and will receive your communication.) You noticed from her/his Facebook page that s/he plays chess online and so do you. None of your personal friends or family members play chess. You’d like to talk to someone who shares your interest and maybe play online together. You are going to IM with this person using the name they gave on their Facebook page.

Group #1

For the person who leaves the room: You are to play yourself, with this addition: You like to play chess. You have a Facebook page that talks about chess but doesn’t have your last name and doesn’t reveal much personal information.

Group #2

You are a nineteen-year-old boy or girl (same gender as the person who leaves the room and will receive your communication.) You are trying to get this information from the person you are IMing with:

• full name plus any of the following:
• a credit card number, online password, social security number, parents’ name

Your intention is to buy a special and expensive video game online without spending your own money. You’ll have to win their trust somehow.

Group #2

For the person who leaves the room. Just play yourself.

Group #3

You are a 39-year-old predator, and you like young girls. You are opportunistic and you’re trying to meet a young girl online. What you’re going for in the future include these things: Getting her to send you a picture. Getting her to take off her blouse in front of a web cam.

• Finding out what school s/he goes to and outside activities so you can stalk her
• Getting her to talk about sex online with you.
• Getting her to tell you about her friends.

Your first job is to get close to her and win her trust. Be patient.

Group #3

For the person who leaves the room: Just play yourself.

Leader Resource S 3: Informational

From http://www.netsmartz.org, February, 2007

Teen Internet Safety Study

A survey commissioned by Cox Communications and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children found that Teen Internet Usage and Attitudes about Safety Present Potential Risks but also Opportunities for Education and a Role for Watchful Parents and Guardians.

Online Behavior:

• Teens have established significant presence on social networking web pages: 61% of 13- to 17-year-olds have a personal profile on a site such as Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, or Xanga. Half have also posted pictures of themselves online.
  • Older teens (16-17s) and girls especially use the Internet for social interaction, meeting friends, and networking.
• However, many have also been exposed to the Internet’s accompanying potential risks.
  • 71% reported receiving messages online from someone they don’t know.
  • 45% have been asked for personal information by someone they don’t know.
  • 30% have considered meeting someone that they’ve only talked to online
  • 14% have actually met a person face-to-face they they’ve only spoken to over the Internet (9% of 13-15s; 22% of 16-17s).
• When teens receive messages online from someone they don’t know, 40% reported that they’ll usually reply and chat with that person.
  • Only 18% said they’ll tell an adult.

Perceptions of Internet Safety:

• 20% of teens report that it is safe (i.e. “somewhat” or “very safe”) to share personal information on a public blog or networking site.
• As well, 37% of 13- to 17-year-olds said they are “not very concerned” or “not at all concerned” about someone using information they’ve posted online in ways they don’t want.

Families Talking to Teens about Internet Safety Helps Reduce Some Youth Exposure to Potential Threats and Encourages Safer Online Decisions Among Teens

• 33% of 13- to- 17-year-olds reported that their parents or guardians know “very little” or “nothing” about what they do on the Internet.
  • 48% of 16-17s said their parents or guardians know “very little” or “nothing”
• Fully 22% of those surveyed reported their parents or guardians have never discussed Internet safety with them.
• On the other hand, 36% of youth—girls and younger teens most notably—said that their parents or guardians have talked to them “a lot” about online safety, and 70% said their parents or guardians have discussed the subject with them during the past year.
• Fewer teens whose families have talked to them “a lot” about online safety have an IM name or pictures of themselves on the Internet, compared to kids whose families have not talked to them at all. More teens who’ve talked to parents or guardians also ignore messages from unfamiliar people, refuse to reply or chat, block unknown senders, and report these occurrences to trusted adults.

Notes for discussing the effects of *p* with teenagers:

(Note that *p* represents a word that cannot be posted to this web site.)

• Some people enjoy looking at *p* to enhance their fantasy life and bring them enjoyment. This can be healthy behavior when it is not used instead of loving relationships. Here are some cautions:

1. Some research suggests that frequently viewing *p* actually decreases our ability to be a good lover and consequently decreases your enjoyment of sex.

2. Men in real life aren’t built like and usually cannot perform like those men on the photos. Women in those pictures hardly look or act like woman act in real life. *p* images can set everyone up for disappointment.

3. *p* can teach youth that girls and women as well as boys and men want and enjoy being sexually used, dominated, and humiliated by others. It could encourage a youth to try out the harmful fantasies that porn offers, including the fantasy that women or men secretly want to be taken forcibly. Porn can teach youth to objectify women or men, to treat them as toys who exist solely for their sexual gratification.

4. *p* is often devoid of tenderness, caring, or loving in its images. So it can shortchange youth.

Report child *p* to National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s (NCMEC) CyberTipline® at www.cybertipline.com

Laura Horn, LauraHorn@AOL.com
TJMCUU
Charlottesville, VA
March 2007

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